New Beginnings

Well, I did it.
Told my supervisor that I am quitting at the end of August.
I think I shocked her and kind of shocked myself too.
I can't decide if I am stupid or brave.
But I do know that I am relieved.
I feel like I am committing financial suicide (that whole permanent solution for a temporary problem thing). But on the other hand I know that the problems were not temporary ~evidenced by my 10 year attempt at driving myself into the grave.
I feel like all my emotions are raw and I cannot wait to heal.
I am so thankful for the support from my family and friends. No one has tried to talk me into staying at my job. They all have expressed happiness for me.
Which speaks volumes. I must be one unhappy ticked off puppy for everyone to be like 'thank God, you are going to feel so much better'. I hear the unspoken part in their minds that is saying 'maybe you won't be so unpleasant to be around now'.

First order of business--take a deep breath and realise this part of my life is over. Step off this treadmill after running like mad for 10 years. You know how everything feels all wonky when you first get off a treadmill? That's how this feels.


Second order of business--keep my eyes open for a part-time job to supplement Ken's income enough to be comfortable.

Do you know what it's like when
You're scared to see yourself?
Do you know what it's like when
You wish you were someone else
Who didn't need your help to get by?

Do you know what it's like
To wanna surrender?

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better, I wanna feel better
Stay with me here now and never surrender
Never surrender

Do you know what it's like when
You're not who you wanna be?
Do you know what it's like to
Be your own worst enemy
Who sees the things in me I can't hide?

Do you know what it's like
To wanna surrender?

~lyrics to Never Surrender

by Skillet