New Beginnings

Well, I did it.
Told my supervisor that I am quitting at the end of August.
I think I shocked her and kind of shocked myself too.
I can't decide if I am stupid or brave.
But I do know that I am relieved.
I feel like I am committing financial suicide (that whole permanent solution for a temporary problem thing). But on the other hand I know that the problems were not temporary ~evidenced by my 10 year attempt at driving myself into the grave.
I feel like all my emotions are raw and I cannot wait to heal.
I am so thankful for the support from my family and friends. No one has tried to talk me into staying at my job. They all have expressed happiness for me.
Which speaks volumes. I must be one unhappy ticked off puppy for everyone to be like 'thank God, you are going to feel so much better'. I hear the unspoken part in their minds that is saying 'maybe you won't be so unpleasant to be around now'.

First order of business--take a deep breath and realise this part of my life is over. Step off this treadmill after running like mad for 10 years. You know how everything feels all wonky when you first get off a treadmill? That's how this feels.


Second order of business--keep my eyes open for a part-time job to supplement Ken's income enough to be comfortable.

Do you know what it's like when
You're scared to see yourself?
Do you know what it's like when
You wish you were someone else
Who didn't need your help to get by?

Do you know what it's like
To wanna surrender?

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better, I wanna feel better
Stay with me here now and never surrender
Never surrender

Do you know what it's like when
You're not who you wanna be?
Do you know what it's like to
Be your own worst enemy
Who sees the things in me I can't hide?

Do you know what it's like
To wanna surrender?

~lyrics to Never Surrender

by Skillet

Favorites...Quotes

I love quotes.
They can come from the craziest places and still touch something in me.
One night I was watching the Suze Orman show, she was talking to someone about something they couldn't afford and she said "say no out of love instead of yes out of fear".
Whoa.
That one struck close to home and not in the way that Suze meant it. How often do I take the easy route out of fear? Fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of what my kids/husband/friends/family might think. It made me realize I say 'yes' far too often, and it is hurting me.
I used to have a lot less fear than I do now. I did things with abandon, basing my decisions on what I wanted to do. I was irresponsible, impulsive, and didn't think about the future.
Somewhere along the way that changed: I 'grew up' and became a contributing member of society. Which is good, unless you swing the total other direction and become; a workaholic, a recluse, avoiding any form of interaction with other people, sacrificing family and self on the alter of money. The workaholic beast started eating me, beating me up on a daily basis--making me want to take all the overtime I can, make more money, keep going until I dropped. Well I give up. I can't do it and I am going to finally say NO out of love.
It's scary but I've been there before. I am afraid but the darkness of the unknown is less scary than the bright light that is shining in the belly of the beast now.
Ready??? JUMP

Favorites...Books on Kindle

Looking over the books I have read on my Kindle over the past year one book really stands out in my mind. Shadow Divers by Robert Kurson.

It is the true story of an underwater investigation trying to identify the origin of a WWII era submarine found off the coast of the United States.

I loved the intertwining stories of the men working to identify the wreck and the men who served aboard the sub.

A similiar book on my to-be-read list is Blind Descent by James Tabor. I can't wait to click into this book about rivals exploring the worlds deepest caves. Can.not.wait!

Favorite Friday--my favorite thing this week

I started using allrecipes.com a few months ago when I was craving soup. It is a great resource for just about any recipe you can want. I usually find myself in the chocolate dessert section :)

When I got tired of my un-organized recipe system I spent a few hours gathering favorite recipes from all my bookmarks on the internet and entering them on my personal recipe box. It's great to have 1 place to go and find everything gathered in a easy format.

I am slowly gathering and entering recipes that I have here in the house to cut down on the normal "I think it is written on the back of an envelope and I put it in the junk drawer" search.
I have an app on my iPhone that lets me pull up my recipes wherever I am. It's great for those impromptu grocery runs to help me make sure I pick up everything I need.

Here is my recipe for chicken tortilla soup. I LOVE this stuff and the leftovers always get eaten up.

Favorites..movies

I love it when I watch a movie that just looks interesting,

and then it opens up a new world to me.

I just watched the French film Seraphine and know this one will stick with me. I started the movie not really even aware that it was based on an actual artist (I actually paused the film and Googled her to be sure it was).

Seraphine was a housekeeper; poor, relatively unattractive, bland and forgettable. But she had a secret, in the evenings she painted. She was first discovered by German art critic and dealer Wilhelm Uhde who encouraged her to keep painting.

The first World War interrupted her path to fame when Uhde had to leave the area, concerned about his safety. She labored on in poverty continuing to paint with the supplies she made or doled out her pennies for. Eventually, Uhde reentered her life and better financial times followed.

She ended up sinking into mental illness and being hospitalized for the rest of her life. There is some disagreement on the date of her death. Udhe reported that it was in 1934, but other sources state is was in 1942. I believe that it was the later date as it was probably more profitable to Udhe to say 1934 to avoid the mental illness/hospitalization issue.

Seraphine won 7 Cesar awards (French Oscars) including the award for best film.

Welcome!

Welcome to The Poppy Petals!
Join me and we will discover my new favorite things; garage sale finds, recipes, crafts and more.
Check out The Poppy Petals on Etsy, Facebook (both under ThePoppyPetals) and eBay (under ThePoppyPetals2010).
I look forward to getting this on the road!